I’m a size Medium now.
TW: Mental Illness, Abuse, Addiction
So I used to be a size small, then COVID-19 happened. Along with life. Lots and lots of life, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves now. Where to start. . .
Well, I guess there’s no time like the present. I currently live in Deep East Texas with my boyfriend in a one-bedroom apartment that probably has more plants than square feet (if you ask me to pick a favorite plant baby, I’m blocking you). I moved to this small and not-so-sleepy college town to pursue my Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, which I’m approaching the end of the program. I have my undergraduate degree in psychology from Baylor University (which is a whole other story, no, series).
The past few months have absolutely changed my life.
My wife passed away. I fell in love again just when I never thought it would be possible. I’ve battled with PTSD and cPTSD alongside my bipolar II (both rapid cycling and mixed episodes woo. . .), fought off my anorexia, and somehow managed to stay sober for nearly eight months now. I survived domestic abuse and rebuilt my life from the ground up. Oh, and I almost forgot. In the middle of the worst blizzard in Texas history, I got rushed to a larger city to have life-saving emergency surgery to remove my gangrenous appendix.
So let’s loop back to my size. I have always been a smaller framed person (mainly due to my eating disorder that I’ve struggled with for about half my life), but I put on a lot of weight for me. I had to go up a size from small to medium, which was honestly really hard for me. I know, I know. Size medium is still relatively small, but an anorexic brain does not like to hear that. Anywho, once I finally started loving my body a little more, I was happy to be a medium. I look more mature, filled-out, and less frail. I also, thanks to the help of one of my best friends in the world, Hannah (check out her blog here “Hannah’s Adopted thoughts”), I found Medium. I needed a place to scream — or type — into the void.
So, hello, Void. If there’s a human reading this right now, hello, human. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.
Thus starts my journey on Medium, where I plan on chronicling my life, thoughts, and possibly even some poetry. Let’s see where this takes us.
Yours in Pride,
Jae
